


Hunting the Forgetful Feeling

by MoonkistPrincess (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-27
Updated: 2012-01-27
Packaged: 2017-10-30 05:02:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/328034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MoonkistPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every time I leave, I feel as though I have forgotten something. By the time I realize this, it is too late to go back, so I continue on with this weight on my chest. It is not until I sit on my bed, unpacked, staring out at the city lights from my apartment building that I remember what it is I forgot.</p>
<p>You.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hunting the Forgetful Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: ALPHA DAVE SADSTUCK AHEAD. And please don't think this is a typical "Dave cries over John" thing. It's not.

He has this feeling that he’s forgetting something.

It’s a sort of nagging feeling, and it’s full and heavy and hard. It tugs at his heart and it weighs him down, almost physically. Dirk is in the car, the engine is running, the bags are all in the trunk and—-god, there’s only like, two bags, they have sylladex—-the apartment is totally empty. It looks exactly as they had come into it, only four months ago, with minimal standard furnishings and a musky scent buried permanently into the rug. He explores every room, from Dirk’s to the bathroom, to his own bedroom, and the kitchen. He stands in the doorway and clicks the light off, shutting the door and keeping the frown etched into his face even as he gets in the car next to his ten-year-old brother and starts driving.

He glances over, and as expected, Dirk is plugged in and turned on. He’s got a sweet set of headgear on, and a game system in his hand, some really shitty Muppets children’s game.

Whatever. He doesn’t need conversation right now, and besides, it’s always the same routine, things like—

“Where are we going, Bro?”

“Dunno.”

“Okay.”

And blips of Q&A bullshit over and over again, nothing giving the kid any more information than before. Dirk is enrolled in online classes, so school is never an issue, and it’s all on him to get his shit done. He knows the value of education and the price he’ll pay later if he doesn’t get to college or…whatever.

Whatever.

So despite the heavy feeling still weighing him down, Dave drives and drives and drives. He has no idea where’s going, like he said- he’s just…going. And he can do that- he can afford to do that because he’s rich. Rich people have everything they want, rich people can basically own the world and so that’s what he’s doing, driving down the interstate and watching bright green signs with white lettering tell him where he’s leaving.

And leaving is such a good feeling, it distracts him from the weight of forgetting. The hot sun beaming through the windshield feels pure and he likes seeing the bright green grass- something about that bright green always makes him feel so good. Like he’s going to make this time count, like it’s an adventure through a suburban jungle and he’s about to cut down giant bushes with a machete until he finds the place where he won’t feel like he’s forgetting. He’s hunting, a great hunt, a powerful chase for this Untameable Forgetful Feeling.

He always, always feels like he’s forgetting something, no matter how many times he packs up and moves, no mater how many days he spends on the road with Dirk or how many months he spends sitting in rooms that all feel the same. They have different wall paper, or paint, carpeting or furniture, but they all feel the same. They have the same weight, the same shape, all the same angles, and definitely the same corners, windows, and  —- the same feeling.

The feeling of forgetting.

So Dave tries to pack and run before the feeling consumes him. He presses his thumbs against the steering wheel and continues to drive until he sees signs for a word he likes, and just like always, he pulls off and checks into a hotel- never anything mediocre, always something extremely shitty or extremely nice- and this time it’s nice. They settle in and Dave drags the poor kid all around town to look at housing.

They get distracted like usual- rather, Dave does. Dirk is given money, and tossed into a candy store. Dave goes to the antique shop right next to it, and makes stupid remarks about the shitty bronze and rust he finds.

In the end though, he comes out with a paper bag containing two small statues of wizards. He doesn’t really understand why, but they scream levels of Extreme Irony that he’s pretty sure go beyond even his realm.

No. No, that’s a lie.

The wizard things are creepy, but when he first saw them, they took away the Forgetful Feeling, for all of the three minutes it took to purchase and leave with them. Unfortunately, they lose the magic quickly, and when Dirk sees them later, he gives a raised-brow look; Dave just misquotes Die Hard and makes the situation dissolve.

They re-focus, and settle on another apartment complex, top-floor room, because Dave likes the particular shade of blue in the master bedroom.

Dirk and Dave move in and five days later, when things are normal and there are no more full sylladexes or awkwardly-placed wires, Dave sits on the edge of his bed and listens to the hum of machine from Dirk’s room and the rush of wind outside his open window.

He places his elbows on his knees, and puts his hands over his face, under his shades, fingertips pressing on his eyes until he feels pain and he sees white spots against his usual black background.

The feeling of forgetting is back. It is creeping in and making a home in the apartment and Dave feels the weight come pressing in on all sides. He feels it like a sword through his stomach- sharp, piercing, with sticky oozing hints of self-loathing and guilt pooling out afterward.

It’s going to eat at him. It is going to rip out his heart and devour it, but leave just enough so that he can function, and it is going to laugh at his stumbling misery. It happens every time he moves, no matter where he goes. The Forgetful Feeling stalks him, watches him, moves with him- it goes away when he is on the road, when he is leaving, when he is arriving- but it comes, it always comes. He will feel like a failure at raising Dirk, he will feel like a deadbeat for riding the tails of his fortune like this when people are starving in Africa, and he will feel like a loser when he looks through his phone contacts and realizes he has no friends, only business partners, associates, and employees.

He does feel a change, though. This time, something’s different. The wizard statues are sitting in a corner in the bag, and he stares at the brown paper until the Forgetful Feeling….changes.

It doesn’t go away. It doesn’t stop. It does not lessen, or twinge, or tweak in the slightest. But it  _morphs._  The Forgetful Feeling evolves, it goes through some twisted metamorphosis and when Dave finally feels it settle in properly again, he wants to throw up.

It’s not  _what he is forgetting_ , anymore.

It’s _who he forgot_.


End file.
